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    Wednesday, 17 July 2013

    The Ward Movie Review

    Release: 2010, Rating: R, Runtime: 88 min.
    There use to be a time, when John Carpenter's name attached to a movie, meant something special. Then Ghosts of Mars came along and shat all over that. The Ward seems to continue that trend, by giving us a used up formula, weak chills and a lame ass ending. Also, what the frak is with the movie not having John Carpenter as the composer? That's just blasphemy. Well, I'm sure you can see where this review is going, but if you're still interested, read on...

    Short nitty-gritty plot description from IMDb is as follows: A thriller centered on an institutionalized young woman who becomes terrorized by a ghost.
     

    The Ward places hottie Amber Heard in a psychiatric hospital, with a bunch of other hot women (remind me to attend this psych ward) and she slowly starts to go crazy as some strange ghost is haunting her and the girls. Then the ending happens, throws everything out the window (literally) and poo poos all over the audiences intelligence, with the dumb as a shit jump scare at the end.


    So, it's clearly obvious I didn't enjoy The Ward, which is a big shame, as I love John Carpenter, but it seems he doesn't love directing anymore. The story is completely treading into been there, seen that several times territory and I could name one movie that it rips off, but that would be spoiling the entire "twist" of the movie. Also, what the hell is with the constant use of giant gun shot loud jump scares? That's annoying shit and it needs to stop!


    I will give the movie props for giving me some lovely ladies to look at and one shower scene, where sadly, no nudity is shown, but we do get a face full of side boob and you know how I love me some side boob. Besides the looks, the acting is just meh all around, with everyone kinda just there for the paycheck. Even, Jared Harris, seems to have phoned in his performance.

    Just moments before side boob!
    Annoying shitty jump scares? Check. Lame ass plot? Check. Lame ass twist? Check. Hot chicks? Check! Nudity? Sadly, no check, but SIDE BOOB! Seriously though, The Ward is a lame attempt at a horror movie and lacks any sort of heart and soul. It's the hungry man dinner of John Carpenter films. Frozen, full of fat and gives you the shits.

    Rating: 1/5 (-3 for lack of a plot, lame jump scares and just all around suckage. +1 for hot chicks with side boobs.)
     
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    Item Reviewed: The Ward Movie Review Rating: 5 Reviewed By: Michael Tatlock
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