Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Movie Review

Horror
Release: 2012, Rating: R, Runtime: 105 min.

Honest Abe’s got some problems and it ain’t just vampires. He’s got to worry about dodgy CGI, low budget set pieces and some stiff acting. Yet, these things don’t bother Abe and they shouldn’t bother you, as Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is a fun, stupid, time waster and that’s all it amounts to, but what more could you ask for? Well, besides the movie having better CGI, a bigger budget and better acting, but yeeeah…

Short nitty-gritty plot description from IMDb is as follows: Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States, discovers vampires are planning to take over the United States. He makes it his mission to eliminate them.

I should point out that I haven’t read the Seth Grahame-Smith book of the same name, but I did get partially through Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Of course, that doesn’t help validate my opinion of this movie at all, but at least you know where I stand. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s hack through this review.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter tells the untold story of Abraham Lincoln (Benjamin Walker) and his life growing up in a America that is being terrorized by vampires. Of course, there are a only a few select people that know about these creatures existence and after a traumatic experience, Abe finds out the hard way. He vows vengeance on the vampire and meets Henry Sturges (Dominic Cooper), a hunter who trains Abe in the art of chopping off vamp heads. Abe moves to Springfield and meets Mary Todd, played the absolutely stunning Mary Elizabeth Winstead. Due to living the life of a hunter, Abe swore never to have friends or family, but when a woman looks that good, you screw your vows and marry her.

Abe puts down the vampire hunting ways for awhile and runs for president, but it isn’t long before even more tragic events happen and Adam, the head vampire of the south, groups together a bunch of vamps and proceeds to attack the north. Thus, what we know about the Civil War has been changed forever. So, what’s Abe going to have to do now? The only obvious answer is pick up the old trusty axe and crack some skulls.

When Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter first started playing, I thought I mistakenly turned on Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies, the awful Asylum film. The budget for this movie looks god awful at first and the acting is almost on par with it. The main villain tends to hams things up pretty good, but I suppose he at least looks like he is having fun. Thankfully, the film starts to find a groove and gives you a few wonderful set pieces that show off where the film crew spent all their money. Unfortunately, the CGI is god awful in this movie, with the over the top horse chase being so freaking offensive to one’s eyes. Yet, due to how much fun I was having, I decided to let most of these issues slide… for now.

In the end, the low budget and shoddy CGI due hit the overall score, but for some reason seeing an almost ninja like Abraham Lincoln, bouncing around like a spastic, cocaine addicted monkey and chopping off heads left and right, makes up for any misgivings I have towards it. Oh, I’m not going to praise this movie and give it a big score, that’s for sure, but I will say that if you want to waste a night watching something that won’t bore you to tears, there are a lot worse options out there than Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

Rating: 


I've been watching horror movies since I was three. In hindsight, it probably wasn't a good idea.

Lost Password