Drive Angry Movie Review

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Hey Drive Angry, the 90’s called. It wants its plot, acting, humor and CGI back. They said you can keep Nicolas Cage and his goofy hair though.

Short nitty-gritty plot description from IMDb is as follows: A vengeful father escapes from hell and chases after the men who killed his daughter and kidnapped his granddaughter.

Oh Drive Angry, where do I begin? Should I start with the over the top, side of extra cheese, acting?  Or maybe the lack of a plot? I could always start off with the burning question on how the film makers were able to go back in time to the 90’s and get a random company to do their CGI for them. Actually, lets go with the worst offender, the blatant and absolutely criminal overuse of 3D trickery.

I didn’t go see this movie in theaters when it was in 3D, I ended up watching it on Blu-Ray in good ol’ 2D, but that didn’t stop me feeling like I was getting physically harassed by 3D. The movie decided to use every single gimmick it could possibly think of. Explosions, bullets, axes, shrapnel, Nicolas Cage’s hair… everything will be flying towards you on the screen and it looks horrible. I can’t see how it would’ve been any better in theaters, as the CGI ranks up there with any Asylum film. I just want to fall to my knees, raise my balled up fists into the air and yell “Threeeeeeeeeee Deeeeeeeeeeeee!!!”

I would love take a few stabs at that giant missing hole where the plot should’ve been, but it’s hard to when you’re presented with what we got in this film. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all bad.  Honestly me being angry at the film for not having a plot, goes to show that what little they did have was interesting. So much more could’ve been done with it, instead they went the extermely cheesy, horribly written route. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best idea.

I gotta say having Amber Heard in this movie made it so much easier to watch. I can’t recall if she had any lines in the movie, but who cares, she’s meant to be looked at and if I rating the film on that alone, it would get an 11/10. Unfortunately, most of her scenes are with Nicolas Cage, an actor I normally have no problems watching. I’ve always enjoyed his antics, be it his crazy eye rolling screams or him running around in a bear suit, punching out women (oh god, not the bees!). In Drive Angry though, no amount of bear harassment can save him. It’s hard to place the blame on him or on the script, either way it’s all bad. Speaking of bad, let’s quickly mention Billy Burke’s character, Jonah King. A wannabe Elvis Presley, who slurs his lines out in some weird accent, that seems to be a mix of southern and dumb. For a villain, he is about as menacing as an Elvis Presley impersonator can get. On the completely opposite side of bad acting is William Fichtner, as The Accountant. Yes, the character was dumb, but Fichtner decides to go all out and have some fun with the role. His calm, blasé attitude towards everything was a blast to watch and he almost manages to save the film, almost.

This next part deserves a whole new paragraph. One name… Tom Atkins. He graces us with his presence in a criminally short role as a police captain named… Cap. You see that, he doesn’t even need a name, just Cap. Baaaadddassss.

Conclusion time! I won’t come out and say don’t watch this film. If you did that, you wouldn’t be able to stare at Amber Heard or Tom Atkins. The only thing I can do, is recommend you lower your expectations so incredibly low, they’re almost nonexistent.

‘Cage Hair’ in 3D

Rating: 

 

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